Nothing could be further from the truth. Many of those people 1 are in zombie relationships, or are just waiting until the kids turn 18 to leave, or are emotionally stunted, because they’ve never had to do the hard work you’re doing right now. Try your best to avoid the Smug Marrieds™ you know, and start perfecting your snappy comebacks about why you’re still single. I was a kauniit romanialainen-naiset fan of, ‘I don’t know; why do you think you settled?’ but I have a bitchy streak. YMMV.
1 But not all, to be sure. An awful damn lot, though. posted by culfinglin at 7:14 PM on [27 favorites]
almost anything else a woman wants to do with her life, she can do more easily without all but the most extraordinary of male partners. Of my many married friends, even in those marriages where I genuinely like the men, only the smallest handful have even a rough reciprocity of effort put into maintaining the household and the marriage (at least from the outside, but then the divorces happen and your suspicions get confirmed. ) So. whatever positive things there are that you want to put your life into achieving, do them. . But I also hope you have other purposes in your life, because this is your chance to further them.
THIS. Once you’re married with babies (if it happens), your time is going to be dedicated to them and your next AskMe will probably be about how to wheedle the hubby into doing the dishes while you bathe your kid. If there’s anything in your life beyond “I wanna husband and baby,” focus on that, do that. As for me, I’m definitely hopeless and permanently single, but I’m fine with it. I spend most nights out of the house doing cool things like teaching, or my volunteer job, or going to classes or shows or festivals. I got projects out the wazoo. I’m very occupied and outside of work have a very good time. I couldn’t go have all of those types of fun if someone was at home whining for me to cook him dinner. And hey, if you actually meet someone doing what you like doing naturally (I haven’t but hey, it could), all the better. posted by jenfullmoon at 7:21 PM on [6 favorites]
A side note: people who have been in relationships continually since they were in their early 20s can be maddeningly, teeth-gnashingly smug
My best friend spent most of her thirties kissing some seriously amphibious men, and then met a wonderful guy on a dating site when she was 37 and he was 49. They’re married now. No kids (no desire for kids) but they do have two dogs and a lot of laughter. It is such a relief to see them together – she is relaxed with him in a way she wasn’t with beaux past.
There is this unspoken belief that if you just work on yourself hard enough, you’ll find someone, and the corollary is that if someone has found a partner and is in a relationship, they must have all their emotional shit sorted out, and thus are superior to single people
I’ve also been to several other over-35 weddings in the last couple summers: two perpetually single friends, a cousin, a Brady-Bunch-style second marriage (that wedding was a blast). One couple met through work, one met through mutual friends (maybe at someone else’s wedding??), not sure about the others. posted by eirias at 5:11 AM on [1 favorite]
