They were still in contact; he would still text her messages full of sexual innuendoes
Will sleeping with a guy too soon make him instantly lose interest and head for the hills? It is an age-old debate with no concrete answer. I have been writing about relationships and coaching women for over a decade and I can’t even tell you how many messages I receive from women panicked over the fact that they slept with a guy too soon and now he’s acting a little weird and what if he’s gone forever?
The good news is that unless he’s some sort of pickup artist who sleeps with women for sport, a man will not lose interest solely because you slept with him too soon. However, this topic isn’t quite so simple, so let me break it down.
A close friend of mine recently met an amazing guy on an online dating site. He was smart, successful, and a dead-ringer for Bradley Cooper. Things got off to a promising start.
They exchanged a few flirty messages and he asked her to go out that Saturday night. They had an amazing time on the date, they continued to message, and he asked her out for the following Saturday early in the week. Another nice date with pleasant conversation and enjoying each other’s company (and some passionate making out) and he again reserved her for the following Saturday night.
Before the date, she told me she was a little unsure about this guy. She thought he was great on paper and all, but she didn’t really feel like they had much to talk about; she mostly just thought he was really hot. She decided she was going to sleep with him after their third date, and I didn’t really offer much in the way of advice since it didn’t seem like she was interested in having a real relationship with him anyway.
So they had a passionate night together and continued to text one another in the days that followed, but something had shifted …
My friend told me that she was waiting for him to ask her out for that Saturday night because she had purchased tickets to a booze cruise and thought that would make a fun date. He usually asked her out for Saturday night no later than Wednesday, and when he still hadn’t asked her out by Thursday, she started to panic.
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Suddenly, their relationship went from elegant Saturday night dates to random 2 AM hookups. He never texted her earlier than 11 p.m., and while he was nice and sweet and all that when they hung out, all he wanted was to fool around (and sometimes order in food and fool around).
I stood silently as the whole thing started to unravel. ). Also, my friends sometimes get mad at me for not giving them the answers they want, so in order to keep the peace, I will stay mum until things get dire.
And when they did, my friend finally called me up and said, “I don’t get this. I really, really like him. What did I do wrong?”
I make it a policy not to give my friends relationship advice unless they explicitly ask for it (and a lot of the time they won’t because they know I’ll hit them with the truth and they would rather stay in denial!
I first pointed out the fact that she didn’t start really, really liking him until he stopped acting that way toward her. But even still, I told her flat out that she slept with him too soon. It was a pretty open-and-shut case, probably one of the easiest relationship questions brought to me.
